Jeremy Taser, 14, of 1295 Hope Lange Dr has taken up temporary residence outside the Pump and Scratch Convenience store on Route 87 in hopes of procuring "some smokes". He plans on asking promising people of cigarette-buying age to score a pack or even a carton for his personal smoking pleasure. "I won't bother asking any women because they always look at you like they're your mother. Unless they pretty hagged out from smoking themselves. They might have a heart. Then again, some of the old guys have creeped me out. One guy asked me what I would do in exchange. I'm determined to get some smokes, but not that determined."
Mr. Taser has had limited success to this point. He spent Tuesday night, all day Wednesday, and part of Thursday hanging out by the side wall instead of near the windows. He estimates that he has asked "about 60" people to buy for him. His only successful solicitation came when a businessman in a tie flicked an incompletely smoked Newport butt at him. "He took my money and went in. When the guy came out, he dropped something so I just waited until he left and casually walked over to grab the loot, but it was only a losing scratch ticket." Taser admits that a similar scenario has played out more than a few times since he began his crusade. "I only have enough left for a pack of Virginia Slims because they're on sale. I might have to go home for a little while to do some chores for money. Mom gives me $10 to mow the lawn."
Taser, who looks older than his 14 years, was disappointed when the attendant at the Pump and Scratch refused to sell him a pack of Marlboros, telling him that he wasn't old enough. It was that pivotal moment that inspired him to supplement his as-yet not started habit of smoking by begging for cigarettes. "I know that I'll be successful because I can do anything I set my mind to," asserts Taser proudly. "No matter how many times I hear, 'Get lost, loser', or 'Stop hanging around here, loser, or I'll call the cops, loser' I'm going to find that last good Samerican who'll help me out." When it was pointed out to Taser that buying cigarettes for someone underage was illegal, he responded with a blank stare. "So?"
Some people have even given Taser some advice in lieu of supplying his cigarettes. "Most people ignore me, but some of them try to tell me to save my money for college or they say cigarettes are going to kill me. They don't understand. They don't know what it's like to be a kid these days. You can't believe the kind of pressure that I'm under. I'm not twelve anymore. I'm an adult now. I can make my own decisions."
Taser believes that perseverance is the key. "I can't give up now. I've invested so much time and effort. I don't care how many dirty looks I get from these people. I mean, they're going into the Pump and Scratch anyway. What's the big deal about doing a guy a solid? There's always kids hanging around the supermarket asking for money for this and that. What's the difference?"
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