U.S. authorities began proceedings Tuesday to extradite GrzJkhjlsck, the former Michael Gold, 37. He was indicted on charges of tax evasion and many other lesser charges related to his position as a stockbroker in a South Florida boiler room operating under the name of Ferris, Chancre, and Tick.
Mr. GrzJkhjlsck is currently residing in the fourth circle of upper Hell where he is employed pushing around great weights for all eternity. U.S. Attorney Raymond Culp said that, while living, Mr. Gold, along with several others, conspired to defraud investors out of millions using illegal stock manipulation practices. “Mr. Gold was murdered by a transvestite prostitute in March of 2002, but we intend to prosecute him and all his other co-conspirators to the fullest extent of the law.”
A spokesminion for Satan would not confirm whether Hell would comply with the request since the U.S. has no formal extradition agreement with Hell. Asmicodemeus the Devourer would only say, “We will review the case and make our decision in the next two weeks. Mr. GrzJkhjlsck has become a model citizen and we would not unwittingly deliver an innocent soul into the hands of a government which is well known for it’s cruel and inhumane punishments.”
Culp also said that a U.S. grand jury indicted GrzJkhjlsck on 13 other charges related to the conspiracy including bribery and extortion. If convicted of all charges, GrzJkhjlsck faces up to 174 years as Paris Hilton's best friend.
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