I just returned from a week-long trip to Florida. Here is a short list of tips to make your vacation go smoother:
1) Wear mirrored sunglasses.
There are a number of things to see that you don't want to be caught seeing.
2) Don't bother with underwear.
It's so hot there right now that your unmentionables will be soaked before boarding the bus, or boat, or monorail.
3) Take a day off in the middle of the vacation.
Spend the middle day in your hotel room with the AC set to frigidiculous.
4) Don't sleep with the chambermaid
No matter how comely a lass she may be.
5) Drop wherever you are
There is no dignified way to pass out with heat stroke, so just go with it. Make it as dramatic as possible.
6) When flying, stow toddlers in the overhead soundproof compartments
It doesn't matter where you're flying. This still applies.
7) Wear clothing with pockets.
There are so many important things to lose, that you might as well lose them in your own clothing.
8) Try not stand out in the crowd
Never, ever wear dark socks and dress shoes with shorts. I can't believe I saw that.
9) Avoid going to any Disney Character dining experience.
The number and volume of squealing brats at any restaurant is tortuous, but these meals are actually designed to initiate migraine sequence and subsequent suicide.
10) Don't have any strong opinions about anything or anyone.
Just ride the wave and let the magic carry you.
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