Local Procrastinator Dreams Up Get-Rich-Eventually Scheme

Area entrepreneur David Vettleman believes he has found the way to long term financial security. He claims to have devised a sure-fire plan that will bring him riches beyond his wildest dreams. “My plan can’t fail. I’m going to have so much money, I won’t know what do with it all.”

Currently, Mr. Vettleman has been employed full-time at Walmart East here in town since he graduated from high school in 1997. “I’ve come up with a lot of ideas over the years to make enough money to retire, but they usually require a lot of hard work and time. I’ve got so much on my plate now, that any kind of new difficult project would be pretty much impossible. I’ve got to finish restoring my car. Then I’ve got to fix that hole in the wall of my apartment before my landlord finds out. I’m also about two thirds of the way through Grand Theft Auto III.”

His parents are guardedly optimistic. “Dave’s always been a dreamer. He just might be onto something this time though,” suggests his mother, Rose. “He borrowed some tools last Thursday, so we might find out his secret any day now. “ His father had lower expectations. “We finally got him to move out 3 months ago. I’d be surprised if he ever got around to returning my hand sander, let alone make something anyone else would want to buy. We have no clue what he’s talking about. I wish he’d start looking for a girlfriend.”

David is close-lipped about the details. “If I tell you, then you’ll print it and then someone with more ambition or with time on their hands will steal it. Or the government will pass some kind of law against it or something, and I’ll end up with nothing.” When questioned about the legality of his plan, Vettleman stated, “No, this is strictly above board. I’m just waiting for the right time to release the information to the general public. Plus, I don’t know much about accounting or law or anything, and I may need some help with the marketing. It’s pretty complicated. You can’t rush these things.”

Vettleman was also vague on whether his plan involved manufacturing a product, or patenting an invention, or copyrighting an intellectual property. However, he was quick to point out that his fortune would not be coming from a lottery windfall or inheritence. “I’m going to show them. Soon. I’m going to show everyone. Just wait. You’ll see. These things take time.